


And Reason

by Zomb13Cat



Series: My Tumblr drabbles [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 05:00:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zomb13Cat/pseuds/Zomb13Cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(So this is a little companion fic to Faith told from Sam’s POV that I wrote for SamLoveWeek.  I took a little creative licence and it’s not porn wut? so i really hope you guys like it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Reason

_A couple weeks at most.  Maybe a month._

The words keep resonating in Sam’s head like a deafening echo trying to drown out his ability to think clearly as he makes his way to the sterile antiseptic scented room.   _It can’t be true_.   _It’s not._   Dean’s lying on the hospital bed, surrounded by machines and wires and fluid filled plastics, looking tired and fragile.  His lips are chapped, there are dark smudges underneath his eyes, and his freckles stand out starkly against his unnaturally paled skin, yet he still looks so beautiful it makes Sam’s chest ache.  The say that there’s nothing they can do, that his hearts damaged beyond repair, and only a miracle can save him.   _Dean’s dying._   Dean’s dying and he’s taking it lying down; making jokes, and complaining about TV and threatening stuffed animals with bodily harm; And it’s all just so surreal –even for them- that Sam just wants to scream.

 

“-I’m gonna die.  And you can’t stop it.”  Dean says.  And that’s exactly what Sam’s going to do.  Dean’s  _not_  going to die.  Sam’s not going to let him.  He’ll find a spell, or a healer or a witch.  He’ll track down a miracle if need be, anything as long as it keeps Dean alive. 

He finds the closest motel, checks into a double room.  A single’s cheaper; and it’s not like he needs the other bed, Dean still being in the hospital and all; but somehow it feels like admitting defeat, and Sam can’t bring himself to do that, not when he’s just getting started.  He spends the next couple of days reading through every single book or text he can find.  Rereads Dad’s journal cover to cover three times, calls every contact in it; Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim, and several people he’s never met; and begs them for help or information.  Calls Dad’s number at least 2 dozen times and always ends up on voicemail, he never leaves a message because he’s too angry and frustrated.  He bites his nails down to the quick, until he tastes blood and his fingers hurt with every keystroke on his laptop.  He doesn’t eat, but he’s not really hungry anyway.  And then he gets a call from one of dad’s friends, some guy named Joshua, says there’s a blind faith healer over in Nebraska who’s supposed to be the real deal.  And Sam’s chest constricts because he knows Dean’s never gonna go for that, but Sam’s not going to give him a choice.

Dean escapes from the hospital on the third night, tracks Sam down, and makes a crack about plain nurses.  And Sam can’t even bring himself to be angry at his brother.  Not when he’s missed him so much and is so happy to see him.  Not when he’s so full of hope because this LeGrange guy seems legit.

He helps Dean into the empty bed once it’s time to clock out.  Sam stands in the middle of the room frozen like a statue; stares at his own bed littered with papers and books, and his lack of sleep finally catches up to him that he doesn’t even begin to think about how to clear everything out.  Dean snorts and rolls his eyes, lifts up a corner of his covers and says “C’mon”.  Sam burrows behind Dean, still in his clothes, like a wounded animal in search for heat.  It says something about both their states of mind that they don’t question it. 

Hours later caught in a state between sleep and wakefulness he feels himself mold against his brother’s back, arms wrapped around his midsection and face pressed between his shoulder blades.  Dean turns over, and against all odds wraps an arm around Sam’s shoulder and pulls him in.  Sam’s face is in the hollow of Dean’s throat and he can feel the unsteady pulse of blood pumping underneath.  He breathes in the scent he’s always associated with ease, and safe, and  _home._ Drunk on exhaustion he whispers “I’m not going to let you die.”  Against the thin, soft skin, lips brushing over it with every word.  “Yeah, Sammy.” He thinks he hears, but he’s not too sure.

LeGrange heals Dean.  It’s a miracle.  And everything is going great until the doctor mentions another guy around Dean’s age who died of a heart attack and Dean insists on them checking it out.  Sam finds out that the guy died at the same time Dean was healed and it’s like a blow to the chest.  He wants it to be a coincidence, a random twist of fate but each new link on the computer proves that it’s not.  Each new set of names makes him feel even more conflicted.  He tries to justify his guilt by thinking that the guy would have died regardless, that they couldn’t’ve stopped it because they didn’t know.  Dean’s angry, with LeGrange, with Sam, with himself.

Dean figures out it’s a Reaper and Sam figures out its being controlled.  They find out its Roy’s wife picking and choosing who dies.  There’s this girl Leila who Dean bonds with and feels guilty about.  He thinks she deserves to live more than he does, but Sam doesn’t agree.  Couldn’t even begin to pretend to agree.  When all is over and done with, Sam calls her so Dean can say goodbye.  He excuses himself to give them some time alone; he hopes she’ll ease Dean’s guilt. 

 Sam stares at the vending machine for what seems like an eternity.  It’s not that he can’t make up his mind between generic cola or generic lemon-lime; it’s that he doesn’t want to let himself think.  He doesn’t want to admit to himself that he’s glad Dean’s alive even knowing that someone else had to die for it.  He closes his eyes and presses his forehead against the cool plastic.  And he prays.  For Dean. For forgiveness.  For knowing that- despite the guilt- if it ever came down to it, he knows what choice he’d make.  

 


End file.
